UNREASONABLE FEAR....

....or "Undoing the damage Farno did to my psyche."

I didn't realize how much damage he did to me until he left.  Until I was on Jetta, my-heart-horse-of-a- lifetime-who-would-never-do-anything-to-hurt-me, and the fear reared it's ugly head and smacked me in the face. 

Farno was a great boy, and I really do miss him, but it's definitely a HUGE relief to no longer have to ride him anymore.  And, it truly was an obligation the last 3 months or so that I had him.  Perhaps someone with more experience with insecure OTTBs will have success with him, but he really messed with my head. 

2 weeks ago I was on Jetta with my fellow boarder out on the trails.  I hadn't been on her since the day after Thanksgiving and thankfully decided against bareback.  All was going fine, she was a bit "up" but hey, it was windy and brisk.  Then we came back along the back fenceline when all of a sudden a huge herd of minis just appeared from nowhere on the other side of the fence.  I've never seen so many!!  Well, before Farno (known as BF now) I would've just laughed, or oohed and ahhhed over them.  Not this time.  I totally and completely panicked, grabbed at Jetta's mouth, clamped my legs around her, and prepared to bale at any second.  Why?  Because had I been on Farno, he would've come completely unglued.  Something about other horses just completely panicked him and freaked him out.  Jetta?  The most she ever NORMALLY would've done is swing her hindquarters around to look AT whatever's coming.  But, because I completely lost my mind, she figured there must be something really nasty there and about exploded out from under me.  I can't blame her, not at all! 

So this weekend was pretty, if not a bit chilly.  I was determined to "cowgirl up" and "ride through it" this time though.  Jetta has been pretty full of herself lately, which is GREAT considering where she was last year this time, but it's a bit intimidating to have all that power underneath you and wonder if she will respond to the bit.  As it turns out, we came to another fenceline with other horses, and they immediately rushed the fence at a canter.  I stopped Jetta, turned her towards them, and proceeded to loosen my grip on the reins, loosen my legs, and BREATHE.  She did react a bit since I reacted at first, but was very, very good to me.  We continued on and came to the long, open lane I've been itching to canter.  The ground was finally dry enough, but again my BF-brain clicked in and I chickened into a small, completely reined in trot...to which Jetta shook her head repeatedly and continually asked to go faster.  I turned her to come back up that lane again and this time let her long-trot the whole way back....and that's when I decided to cut the crap and let her go....we turned back and she cantered big, huge, bounding strides the entire way....I swear she was yelling "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in her head the whole time.  I completely lost it, laughing until I couldn't breathe.  We did one more long canter of the lane, this time I asked for a more controlled canter, and I swear she stomped her foot demanding more.  I just laughed and laughed, and let her have her head. 

So, am I cured from BF-brain?  No, I'm not.  But, I am finally recognizing and giving voice to what he did to my head...and I'm working through it.

And besides...would this immaculate specimen hurt me?


I've not posted in a while because I finally got myself and my son moved into our new house!  I wanted to do something to commemorate the only 2 horses I've ever owned, and came up with this:

Hard to see, but my very dear friend made that coat rack for me several Christmases ago.  Since I didn't send on the engraved leather halter I had made for Farno, or his engraved stall sign, I decided to clean them up and put them out...so I brought home Jetta's engraved halter and stall sign too. 

And, dang it, while I'm regretting what Farno did to my brain, I sure miss that sweet face!